Sunday, 17 May 2015

Blogging and a crisis of confidence (and finally some good news :) )

Hi all :)
Well here I am, after yet again failing to blog for weeks on end.
I would really like to blog most days and yet I don't and up until very recently I don't think I could have told you why I don't manage to do something that I am really keen on doing!
However, I have given the matter a lot of thought and I have finally come up with the answer which is a crisis of confidence :(
I used to be quite an outgoing person, always out and about, lots of friends, a good job and a fair amount of self-confidence.  Sadly though, since my health deterioration that has all changed.  My husband and I don't get out too much, I have been unable to work for several years, my only friends are those in the computer and I have very little self-confidence and herein lies the problem.
A lot of people might say that you don't really need self-confidence to write a blog but I am going to say in my case that that isn't true.
Every time I think about sitting down to write about my latest crafty projects I get a little voice in my mind that says (rather loudly I might add),
 'Why on earth would anyone want to read anything you have to say? Why would anyone want to see anything you've made?  Nobody is going to read what you write, or look at photos of your makes so why bother?'
Add to that how, when travelling around other blogs on the internet and seeing that there are thousands of readers commenting and it can, at times,  make one feel almost unpopular which, if you're feeling vulnerable anyway can be a real kick in the teeth.
So, up to this point, most times I've quietly got upset and then I haven't bothered to write, which in turn has made me more upset at which point I can hear the spiteful voice in my head sniggering in a smug manner about having gotten her own way!  This voice has been with me throughout my life, but lately she is louder than she has ever been and if I'm honest she has become a menace who is very difficult to live with and I have had enough of her.
So, what to do?
Well, I am going to try to blog more in the hope that this will start to quieten her down a bit because there is something else I have realised.  The reason I want to blog is not so that thousands of people will read what I write (although it is a bonus knowing that there are people there who might enjoy some of the things I have to say or some of the crafty things I make) or comment on my makes, but rather as a sort of catharsis.  I want to blog for me in the hope that it will help me to feel better about myself and about my journey. I also hope that maybe my blog might make someone smile occasionally in the way that others' blogs have made me smile, even when I haven't felt much like smiling.
Even writing this has been a start and I have deleted and rewritten things so many times that I'm not sure if it makes any sense at all but I'm going to post anyway just to shut you know who up!!
So although I am not going to promise to blog every day - although that is the eventual aim - I am going to try for much more often than before.
Before I go, I did mention some good news in my title and so here it is :)
I have been chosen to be a member on the new Spectrum Noir TV Sample design team.  I love my Spectrum Noir pens and pencils and also the amazing Spectrum Aquas too so I was super amazed when they asked me to be a part of it (I'm still in shock lol).  I can't wait to get started.
So I'll leave you with a picture from the cute BeBunni Floral range coloured with my favourites, the Spectrum Noir professional colouring pencils

I hope you like him :)
Back soon

1 comment:

  1. Aw, this is adorable, Sam! Lot of us would love to read what you wrote and see what you made. I do know what you mean though. My health isn't good and I haven't been able to work for a couple years either. Friends disappear when you don't feel well enough to go do things with them. People who are healthy just don't get it.

    I hope you do keep up with the blogging! Congratulations on your DT appointment with Spectrum Noir - well deserved - your colouring is amazing! Your little bunny is totally adorable!